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Disclaimer: this does not apply to all reality TV. I exclusively watch reality dating shows. Turning love into a competition and videotaping all of that is what my roommate calls “the most extreme human experience.” There is nothing better than people getting matched by pseudo-experts and being so wrong for one another. Take the show…

Old people really like museums. They also really like to chat with their old people friends in front of that one piece that I specifically came to the museum to see. It takes half of a person to block my view of whatever impressionist still-life that I only half-want to look at, and yet two…

For every day that the weather is perfect, there are at least 8 days where something in the air inconveniences me. For those who haven’t caught me out in the wild, I’m a sweaty gal. Humidity, the sun, physical activity in general, all brings out the moisture in my nose and forehead. The makeup I…

Last week I suffered a critique during my writing class. Personally, I understand how vulnerable writing is, it exposes my mind. It is my consciousness regurgitating itself onto a page with nothing to hide behind. So, when these film and TV majors go in on my writing, it really festers. I know I make it…

I’m particular about my things. Let me rephrase; the objects I choose to buy and let into my life go through a rigorous vetting process. They must meet a specific set of qualifications that I can’t qualify but I know it when I see it. Everything is carefully curated and taken into my orbit to…

Right now, I have 39 unread emails, and by the time I’ve finished writing this I’ll have 45. The red bubble that sits in the corner of that app is threatening and suffocating and anxiety inducing. It’s a chore to sift through emails that I know I’ve unsubscribed from already, which is why I usually…

Every Tuesday, select movie theaters have discount tickets for “loyalty members,” or, rather, people who subscribe to their constant bombast of email promotions. These cheap tickets are no secret, and the people that take advantage of the $12+ discount are a real mixed bag. There are the people that go on dates, who either talk…

One of my superpowers is the ability to take things that are extremely simple and make them into a whole ordeal. For example, just walking around from place to place requires much more planning and thought than any mentally stable person would put into it. I need sunglasses so people can’t see me staring at…

My roommate and I took a class on the history of the female nude. Everyone and their mother try to get into the “Aphrodite” course, so it took us 4 semesters to make the cut. Of the 20-something women that sat around the large center table, there were 2 men. I had no qualms with…