Emails

Right now, I have 39 unread emails, and by the time I’ve finished writing this I’ll have 45. The red bubble that sits in the corner of that app is threatening and suffocating and anxiety inducing. It’s a chore to sift through emails that I know I’ve unsubscribed from already, which is why I usually wait until my notifications reach triple digits before I check them. Unfortunately, this only takes about 2 days which is not nearly enough recovery time, so I end up waiting a few more days and a few hundred emails later and suddenly I’m drowning in electronic mail. This would be such a different story if I was getting physical letters. I’d get to literally throw the “junk mail” into the garbage instead of a virtual trash folder. What really scares me are the people who have 14,822 unread emails marinating in their inboxes. How do the notifications not overwhelm you? Or am I stressing over something that really has no significance…

No. I’m not. Every time I send out one of those emails, I read it 10 times over and send it to my mom to proofread just so I can be sure it maintains proper email etiquette. If I could be more colloquial or use emojis I’m sure these anxieties would fade, but I guess I’m just too funny for email. Now one last thing and then I swear to god ill shut up about this forever, the reason I check my email at all is for the chain mail; there is no way I’d risk 7 years of bad luck over forwarding a gremlin to 16 of my friends.